It is another cold morning just like the last thirty or so mornings. I’m sitting outside Dad’s lounge, waiting for the carer to wash him down. We won’t give him a bath today as we are worried he will pick up a cold, even though the gas heater is giving off a warmth that the devil would be proud of, we decide not to take any chances.

Dad has given us all so much but it makes me cringe that someone could take care of me like this in the future. When we had him in hospital care, we felt so guilty that we had let him down although the staff at the time said, “he probably wouldn’t know it anyway”. OMG, my mum almost slapped them. Of course, he would know. She was right, even with his limited capacity of understanding and awareness, he would know. Today waiting for his carer to finish, it feels natural, like milk with coffee kind of natural.

My question today, is would you like to be cared for like this?

I know right down to my toes, I do not want to be in this situation if I lived long enough. I would rather leave my family to live their own lives without me. I know I am loved and it is enough for me. I can hear someone’s arguement traverse the internet.

“What if they want to look after you? It’s selfish of you not to give them that?”

Well I have only one thing to say to that, “Are you out of your mind?

Our family have never faced this situation before. Both my parents’ parents died suddenly when I was seven years old. There was no long illness involved and we never asked my Dad so he didn’t have a choice. We chose to care for him and are grateful for the continued time we have with him, even though at times he doesn’t realise who we are, it’s all right. We love him to bits!

So the difference is, I hear you asking. Well my friends, the difference is I am now well within my senses and before I lapse into a state where I am not, I’m stating I would prefer not to be a burden to any one. Heaven knows, I have been in the past.

It is enough to know that people could think of you and smile whether it’s some stupid thing you did way back when or when you burnt lunch four Christmas’s ago or just the fact you took the time out to help a neice to glue a broken doll’s head staunchly back onto its fragile shoulders.

We should all strive to leave our loved ones and friends with memories that are as warm as the gas heater beside me. Surrounding, comforting and definitely heart warming. These and many other little things we do without a thought to ourselves is what will make us immortal.